Every leader in their personal and professional capacity has to face defeat and disappointment one time or another or maybe even a few times in their lives. As a leader you are faced with betrayal, criticism, redundancy, divorce or failure. Organisational politics, rejection, misunderstanding and life sometimes dishes out stuff that is hard for us to handle and cope with.
I remember the time when all that I had worked for and devoted myself to was taken away in a seeming moment. My vision came crashing down in flames, my friends turned their backs on me, and it seemed I had had made every wrong decision in the book. Defeat was eminent for me and failure certainly was knocking at my front door.
I knew that everything could be taken, but the elements of who I am and what I do remained within.
What do you do when facing life threatening defeat?
Number one thing you have to do is forgive.
Many times you want to blame everything and everyone for your circumstances, but that just empowers them more. When you are prepared to take responsibility it gives you the power to make the right decisions going forward. As you forgive and release those that have hurt you, the people involved, and those who have rejected you, a tremendous weight gets lifted that allows you to be ceative and innovative again. When we are hurt we need and have to blame someone. But that only keeps you bound to the past.
Number two is you have to focus on what lies ahead.
Without a vision, we perish. Its hard to dream when you are feeling defeated and a failure. But without a dream you have no motivation, no inspiration. Hope and faith are two essential ingredients I found so helpful. Hope is a blueprint, a plan of an expexted end. Faith is the strategy the how to get to that expected end. Depending on your personality, you either may want to just die, or on the other end you may harden yourself and stay angry at the world. If you have a vision that you can begin to imagine, you will keep yourself moving; and a moving ship is easier to steer than a docked one. Vision, hope and faith is a healing in the midst of "crazy" times in your leadership.
Number three is to invest in others.
Find others who need your abilities, skills and personality. Share your journeys with them. Help them through a difficult situation in their lives. Encourage them. Did you see that? En-COURAGE them. Give them courage. The farm principle of sow then harvest applies not to just farming. As you sow inspiration and courage into others, it begins to grow in you.
Are you feeling depressed because of what you have had to go through, give the little bit of courage and life you have left to a friend or colleague, a family member, and like the seed in the farm, start to see your own grow.
Number four is to never look back.
Many times you are tempted to go back and think about what happened to you and you will just begin to experience the feelings of hurt defeat inadequacy and failure all over again. Don’t let your past hijack your future. You still have a great future ahead of you. So many plans to accomplish, so many better choices to make, so many quality relationships to still enjoy, so many goals still to reach. Begin to tell another story. Don’t tell the same story that takes you back and defeats you over and over again.
Although everyone one time or another experiences defeat, its what we do with it that counts.
Live again and move toward a great intended future.
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